To set your nerves at ease
The death of a loved one often leaves us feeling lost and not sure what we can do. It is natural to feel this way. Here are some helpful suggestions to give you insight on how to comfort those who are grieving.
Upon learning of a death, intimate friends of the family should visit the home to offer sympathy and ask if they can help. You may prefer to visit the family at the funeral home. This setting may be more comfortable for you and the family, as they are prepared for visitors.
After the difficult and busy days surrounding the death, the family is faced with the challenge of trying to resume their day to day lives. Remembering the family during this time often is critical in their recovery. Try to write or call on a regular basis. Continue to include them in your social plans, they will let you know when they are ready to participate. It is also nice to remember the family on special occasions during the first year following the death. Don’t worry about bringing up the pain and emotion of the loss, they are well aware of that. By remembering such occasions as wedding anniversaries and birthdays, you are not remembering the death, but reaffirming that a life was lived.
Using your own words, express your sympathy. Kind words about the person who has died is always appropriate. If the family wants to talk, they usually simply need to express their feelings; they aren’t necessarily looking for a response from you. What you say depends entirely on your relationship with the deceased and their family. If the deceased is an acquaintance or casual friend, saying “I’m sorry,” “He was a wonderful person and a friend of mine. He will be missed,” “My sympathy to your family,” or something comparable is appropriate. However, if you are closer to the family you may want to ask if there is anything you can do to help or express your feelings about the deceased. You should not ask for details from the family about the illness or death.
While there is no substitute for a personal visit if you are able to do so, there are many other ways to express your sympathy.
- Memorial Gifts
- Phone Calls
- Food for the family
- Mass Cards
It is no longer necessary to wear black to a funeral. Wearing colorful clothing is no longer inappropriate for relatives and friends. However, persons attending a funeral should be dressed in good taste so as to show dignity and respect for the family and the occasion.
You can find the funeral service time and location in the obituary. If the location and time of the services are included in the obituary notice, it is considered an invitation to attend.
At the cemetery, the casket is normally placed beside the grave. People then gather around the casket to listen to the rites of burial given by the clergy. Following the clergy’s remarks, family members may place a flower on the casket. In many cases the funeral director will provide flowers for each mourner. The clergy or funeral director will then dismiss the family and friends at the end of the service.
Immediately following the funeral
Immediately after the funeral, families often invite the attendees to join them for food or a reception at their home or designated place. This gives everyone a chance to talk and provides some time to relax and refresh. Sometimes friends or church members will take it upon themselves to prepare food ahead of time for this gathering, and relieve the family of this task.